Monday, December 31, 2012


2012 has been a life-changing year for me.
Graduated. Now working.
I consider myself a very lucky fresh-grad as my first job just came without any obstacles.
Work is fine, boss is fine, colleague is fine.
Everything seems to be better than what I expected.
How about my love life?
This might be the first time I blogged about this. So here goes.

Through out these 12 months of 2012, I need to thanks these 5 individuals.
Each for them taught me a lesson, and those ups and downs made me who I am now.

The first person, thanks to you, without you confronting me, I will still be living behind those doors.
You gave me the courage to do what I always wanted to do, and that leads to the second person.

The second person, thanks to you, without you being by my side (figuratively) all the time, I wouldn't had made it this far. I had yet to meet someone in my life that shares so many similarities, like you always say to me, we were like twins separated at birth. You led me through doubts and worries, I really appreciated it; I really really do and guess I would never find another individual like you. Thanks to this second person, I get to know how the third person was.

The third person, thanks to you, without you giving so much care and concern, I would had forgotten how great it feels to be valued. But it wasn't long until we both found out that we weren't meant for each other, totally different lifestyle and habits crushed it, literally. I took me quite some time to get over you, even my heart ache everytime I met you, but looking back now, I think I made the right decision.

The fourth person, thanks to you, without you giving so much hope to me, I wouldn't fell so hard. For a split second, I thought I have hope, and I thought finally I succeeded, but no, its a scam and that's about it.

The fifth person, thanks to you, without you, I would still be the same old me. You changed me the most, because I invested the most. It was supposed to be the highlight of my 2012, but apparently,  it was a disaster. Its not a full on disaster, but its an event that makes me reconsider and make some adjustment about myself. You treated me so well that I was so convinced we were going to make it far, the love that I received was so overwhelming and unrealistic, but it wasn't long until you tell me what's actually going on. Bitch-slapped. But still, I am really grateful that I got to met you, even till now I still say that to you every now and then.

Other than these 5 individuals, they are new faces that came into my life, some stayed and some just sashay away. too much rupaul. Every one of them are like ornaments, embellishing my 2012 and whether its good or bad, its better than me just living my life the same plain and boring way.

2013, I hope you treat me well.

A song for the fifth

Monday, September 17, 2012

Deer in Headlight

Recently I am under some sort of depression
but hey, when wasn't I?
There nothing I can do causing me to feel so helpless and defeated
I don't want to be seen as a weak and pessimistic person
because I am not
but now I felt rather vulnerable

I always knew the vast majority is gonna judge you by how you look
My appearance wasn't very appealing to most of the people and I am perfectly aware on that
so I try to make up with a better personality
but apparently I wasn't that kind of guy that runs around spilling rainbows, making everybody entertained
and I am even further away from that kind of laid back and cool personality that is always captivating
hence, causing me to feel confuse because I am stuck in the middle of no where
I am already handicap in socialising and now I don't even have a charming personality to back things up
I am basically doomed from the get go
Like seriously, I should have a sticker on my forehead "DOOMED"

Yes, everybody has their individuality; we don't need to become someone else to stand out
we don't to alter ourselves to fit people's expectation, but don't you want to be someone that is likeable and remember-able? 
you would probably just say:" Be yourself"
and that would lead to another question "Who am I?"
Be myself. Being shy, timid is getting me nothing good
I am trying to break out of this bubble, but it seems to be really difficult to do so
You would probably say:"Give it a few more tries"
How many chances can be given? I need to be able to come out of my comfort zone and I need to do it fast
but I don't have a plan, I am a deer in the headlight

I need to figure things out quickly or I will fail like a car crash.
with a major "BAM"
well at least there's an impact made

Friday, June 1, 2012

A little meditation will do

How would it feel to isolate myself from all social networks.
I guess I'll know the answer after 24 hours.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

I should write a song about me

I let myself down
I can be better and should be better
but I just screw things up when my nerves kick in or thats just me being me
I am not a social butterfly but damn I felt like a freaking social cocoon
so noob, so shy, so passive, so metapod
I am well aware that I am not that kind of ideal guy people are looking for
I have so much flaw in me that I cant fix or should I say I dont even have the urge to fix it
I am who I am, like me for me
ok last two statements are just excuses for me to act like an idiot
yea what had happened happened, now I can just sit here and type out this bloody blog post to make myself feel better or at least having a record here for me to laugh at myself in the future
Owh.. I am like an emo boy blogging about some emo little stuffs
and noticed how many times I used the word I, me, myself XD
I am such a narcissistic self-centered bitch
but behind this mask of ultra-confidence lies a fragile self-esteem, which is vulnerable to the slightest criticism

so be good to me

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Gone, but not forgotten

My last blog post was like 6 months ago during my internship
I have nothing specific in mind so this is basically a random update or just plain crap
I am now having my holiday after my FYP submission which is hectic and chaotic
hopefully the result turn out great or else somebody is gonna get hurt
Mr.Fauzan ~ahem~
I worked my ass off to accomplish things in 10 days
10 days to do a website and 3d environmental design isn't enough sir
and especially during CNY come on
but I will just forgive you sir since I did it at the very last minute
Tomorrow I will be heading back to cyber again to renew my passport and of course
The legen -wait for it- dary post submission mid term break get away is back again babe!
holy shit another round of money spending because Johor Premium Outlet here I comeeeee

See ya