Deer in Headlight

Recently I am under some sort of depression
but hey, when wasn't I?

There nothing I can do causing me to feel so helpless and defeated

I don't want to be seen as a weak and pessimistic person

because I am not

but now I felt rather vulnerable

I always knew the vast majority is gonna judge you by how you look

My appearance wasn't very appealing to most of the people and I am perfectly aware on that

so I try to make up with a better personality

but apparently I wasn't that kind of guy that runs around spilling rainbows, making everybody entertained

and I am even further away from that kind of laid back and cool personality that is always captivating

hence, causing me to feel confuse because I am stuck in the middle of no where

I am already handicap in socialising and now I don't even have a charming personality to back things up

I am basically doomed from the get go
Like seriously, I should have a sticker on my forehead "DOOMED"

Yes, everybody has their individuality; we don't need to become someone else to stand out

we don't to alter ourselves to fit people's expectation, but don't you want to be someone that is likeable and remember-able? 

you would probably just say:" Be yourself"

and that would lead to another question "Who am I?"

Be myself. Being shy, timid is getting me nothing good

I am trying to break out of this bubble, but it seems to be really difficult to do so

You would probably say:"Give it a few more tries"

How many chances can be given? I need to be able to come out of my comfort zone and I need to do it fast

but I don't have a plan, I am a deer in the headlight

I need to figure things out quickly or I will fail like a car crash.
with a major "BAM"

well at least there's an impact made

A little meditation will do

How would it feel to isolate myself from all social networks.

I guess I'll know the answer after 24 hours.

I should write a song about me

I let myself down

I can be better and should be better

but I just screw things up when my nerves kick in or thats just me being me

I am not a social butterfly but damn I felt like a freaking social cocoon

so noob, so shy, so passive, so metapod

I am well aware that I am not that kind of ideal guy people are looking for

I have so much flaw in me that I cant fix or should I say I dont even have the urge to fix it

I am who I am, like me for me

ok last two statements are just excuses for me to act like an idiot

yea what had happened happened, now I can just sit here and type out this bloody blog post to make myself feel better or at least having a record here for me to laugh at myself in the future

Owh.. I am like an emo boy blogging about some emo little stuffs

and noticed how many times I used the word I, me, myself XD

I am such a narcissistic self-centered bitch

but behind this mask of ultra-confidence lies a fragile self-esteem, which is vulnerable to the slightest criticism

so be good to me

Gone, but not forgotten

My last blog post was like 6 months ago during my internship

hello~

I have nothing specific in mind so this is basically a random update or just plain crap

I am now having my holiday after my FYP submission which is hectic and chaotic

hopefully the result turn out great or else somebody is gonna get hurt

Mr.Fauzan ~ahem~

I worked my ass off to accomplish things in 10 days

10 days to do a website and 3d environmental design isn't enough sir

and especially during CNY come on

but I will just forgive you sir since I did it at the very last minute

Tomorrow I will be heading back to cyber again to renew my passport and of course

The legen -wait for it- dary post submission mid term break get away is back again babe!

holy shit another round of money spending because Johor Premium Outlet here I comeeeee

See ya

Day 11

A hungry afternoon

got some biscuit and milo from the pantry

and decided to have my tea time here

but the cctv just drove me crazy

makan also makan till not natural

hello boss, need so many cctv in pantry meh?

Skipped Day 10

懒到爆

Day 9

A smiley

but I am extremely emo these few days.

There are nobody here for me to talk to

I am not going home last week

I am exhausted every single day

I am going to blog every single day during my inernship period!

HOLY SHIT!

3.14

Started my internship and its boring as hell

There are nobody for me to joke with, no active chatters, no humorous personnel

and the office is dead most of the time

I cant just keep my mouth close most of the time la

will busuk one you know?

I thought maybe coz I am still new to them and they may need some time before they are more willing to speak to me but apparently they don't chat among themselves too

Awesome

Besides, I was there for just 3 days

read clearly, 3 days and each day there were different colleague who come to me (in private)

and tell me to watch out for blah blah blah coz they are blah blah blah

wah so fast mau back stab meh?

Terror betul

3 more months. 14 weeks.